Life is Real

In our house from, say, the day before Thanksgiving to sometime around New Year's Day, the kitchen bar contains treats. Some fruit and nuts, some homemade, some bought, some prepared by my wonderful wife, while others are gifts. Most of them are sugary delights that are so appealing and taste just as wonderful. These delectable treats make a beautiful Christmas plate of hors d'oeurres, appetizers, and desserts. After all, it is not all sweets. We offer do-dads/trailmix, sausage balls, and the occasional sausage stick from Hickory farms along with the best homemade cheeseball this side of L.A.

The kids ask for certain things, Wanda enjoys a couple, but they mostly are for me. As good as they all are, a certain part of the pleasure is found in the tradition of the spread. Mawmaw's green punch and my mother's M&M cookies are a must. I mean, it just wouldn't be Christmas without them, right?

Wrong!

But that is the way we feel and that is what we say and some eat, eat, eat. . .oh, wait, don't forget the actual meals on all of the big days. Is there any food that makes you feel fuller and puts you more into a food coma than turkey? But most people dive into these feasts fork first year after year and, if we are honest, most of us can't wait til they are all gone so we can eat somewhat healthy again, or at least normal.

I have learned that I feel much better, much happier, sleep better, and my body and mind just simply work much more efficiently if I purge the sugar, empty the carbs from my diet, and fill it with natural foods, not processed foods. Meats, vegetables, fruit, dairy, and yes, yogurt is delicious if you are not eating ice cream by the gallon. Isn't that RFK's thing? I agree totally. White sugar and processed foods are silent killers. They are fakes. They offer a short-term satisfaction but leave an emptiness that is often attempted to be gratified by the same horrible choices. It is a vicious cycle - one I have endured for years and I am confident you have observed it in others, if not been a victim of it yourself.

The crazy thing for me is that I hate fake. I don't like silly. I do not suffer well with fools or foolishness. I never watched cartoons, never read the "funnies." I love good comedy or comedians say like Jeff Foxworthy, but cannot stand Will Ferrell. I like serious people. People and things with sustenance. I am naturally drawn to people, places, and things that are real.

"Are you for real" is a statement/question we often use rhetorically and yet demand an answer if nothing else in our own minds. As we turn the calendar to another year, can we put away not only the empty calories and foods that bloat us, but also put away, put down, and destroy all the stuff: thoughts, ideas, temptations, hobbies, habits, and sinful things that bring some moments of pleasure but leave a great longing and void? Is there not, hopefully, some desire and hunger for the real, the substantive, the foundational truths of not just God's Word, our faith and religion, but simply the real things that matter in life?

The fuel for this blog came this week from a precious friend who said to me, "I don't even like myself." This friend is not suicidal, but just wrapped up in their life at the moment. I felt it wrong to attempt to placate them with some shallow platitude that would make me feel as though I had been helpful, but in reality offered no real solution, counsel, or empathy. I have learned that when I truly cannot empathize, then less is more. I try not to fake it by rambling long enough that the subject changes. We do not always have a relatable personal experience. My friend added, "I just needed to vent." Oh, we have all been there! However, sometimes that is not the whole truth. We feel as though it is, but we would gladly receive some advice if it is real, pointed, and productive.

Sunday school, Bible studies, Deacon's meetings, small group, accountability partners, prayer partners, sibling relationships, and best friends should all be safe places, a harbor in times of storm, to share our most intimate and vulnerable thoughts, fears, doubts, concerns, troubles, and worries. Yet, we often suffer in silence and loneliness. How sad, how wrong, how wasteful. I get it. Not all trouble is created equally and not every church member, friend, coworker, or even relative is either. My great, humble, and sincere request is that you find a port to winter in, lest you succumb to the wicked drowning waves and winds of life.

You can imagine, I am sure, the things a pastor, for example, might deal with over thirty-plus years of pastoral ministry. The ramifications of abuse, neglect, abortion, adultery, a homosexual experience, addictions - all are lasting and real and it seldom matters how far in the past they occurred.

For example, we rightly take much pity on victims of marital affairs. The spouse who was cheated on, the embarrassment the children endure, maybe even the extended family and church are often cared for and ministered to as needs arise. We are often relieved when the marriage is able to stay in tact and forgiveness is found, but the cheating spouse is marked and their sin is seldom forgotten. Do we ever consider their pain and regret that can last a lifetime?

I write this on the eve of a new year to remind you that we should deeply care for the sick and bereaved. We should show genuine concern for caregivers. We should be quick to help the victims of any hardship. Continue to write cards, make visits, give money, and go and serve. For all of that and more, our church, you get an A+. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Unfortunately, however, the ones we see and hear about rather naturally are not the only ones we should care about.

Read these statements. They are real. Every one of them from Christian church members over thirty years of service:
"Seeing a family member naked wrecked my thought-life for decades."
"Low testosterone destroyed my body."
"Too much testosterone made me feel ugly like I belonged in a circus."
"My menstrual cycle made me feel so dirty. I have always questioned God's love for women."
"My addiction to pornography made me feel so inadequate, I am sure I will die a virgin."
"I have to sleep with a light on, even with my husband in the bed with me, because any movement at night takes me back to when my brother-n-law would sneak into my bed in the dark."
"How could anyone read the Old Testament and believe God is gracious and merciful?"
"How could anyone who has ever buried a young child believe that God is love?"
"If you think I would ever even attempt to forgive my mother for leaving us when I was ten, you are crazy. I will hate her until the day I die. I pray she burns in hell."

Believe me, those are just a few of the very real burdens that my people have carried. The saddest to me are the people who cannot forgive themselves. Coming to faith in Christ is amazing, but unless one is able to appropriate the love, the forgiveness, the mercy of God into their life that He freely offers, Christianity is really torture. You are convicted, hear and accept a new realty, but refuse to live in it. Oh, how I pity the wounded.

If you are one of the wounded (and the chances are very great that you may be), please know that you are not alone. Know that you are loved by God. I hope that I can say this honestly, for I have been working on this all throughout my ministry, I love you, too, no matter what. We don't always love victims the way we should. We sometimes see them differently. If you are one, you have seen it - you have felt it. We certainly do not love wrong-doers the way Christ does. Forgiveness and love do not come easily nor naturally. I have dedicated myself to processing the facts and looking beyond my initial, personal, natural reaction and seeing the person for who they are, seeing them the way that I want to be seen.

I have many regrets, many scars, made many mistakes, so one could say I am both a victim and a wrongdoer. I write this from love and personal experience. Just as an example, my mother never married. I knew nothing and know nothing about my father or his family. It has only been in the last few years that I have begun to deal with it, much less speak of it. That aspect of my life has affected my entire life. It carried shame as a child, confusion as a teenager, and anger as an adult. It has impacted my parenting and my ministry. I am healing, but I am not well yet.

What is your story? Have you shared it? I gave this one story in my life to God just  few years ago. It wasn't til I "put it down" (see the next blog) that I began to experience some freedom. I want that for you.

I beg you in 2025 to be real and to gravitate to what is real. I ask you to share your burdens when and where you feel safe. I ask you to listen to those who may share with you and hold things in strict confidence. I ask you to help establish safe places for you and others to vent and share as needs arise. I ask you to pray that my Sunday messages and perhaps even these blogs would be relative.

If something that I ever say, preach, or write strikes a nerve, I am always here for you. If you do not feel comfortable with me because of age, gender, etc., I will find you a confidant.

I love you! Happy New Year! May your faith in Christ be a shining light this year that makes your life better in 2025.


In Christ,
Pastor Todd